Adjusting

Mood Music: Can U Stand The Rain – New Edition

Yes, I watched the New Edition mini-series. Yes, I loved it. It was clearly done by people who care with resources to support it. It was amazing.

But we’re here to talk about me. (Sorry.)

I entered 2017 in a funk. I had been sick since my birthday. I continued to fail at budgeting. I was still alone. I was still fat. I’d basically failed at every goal I set for myself. Add in everything going on politically and you’ve got a recipe for top tier depression. I’m not sure what prompted me to get my life in order, but I finally got out of the bed and decided to try and fix things. It’s been going okay so far and my attitude really has been much more pleasant.

But I needed to empty my mind, so here are some random thoughts!

I feel like so many self-esteem issues come from seeing other people and wishing you were who they were or had what they had. I realized that mine come from simply disliking who I am.

I already exhausted by this so-called “administration” and news about it. I’m more angry that people keep trying to apologize saying they didn’t know he’d be this terrible.

Reading people’s attempts to be an expert on every political happening on social media is obnoxious.

I end up over-extending myself because I hate telling people “no.” I think it is because I fear that the moment I say no, people will stop trying to spend time with me.

I have no ability to determine if someone is interested in me. I’m tired of hearing that I’m intimidating when I have no idea what I’m doing.

Related, it offends me when my friends try to reassure me that there are people who are interested in me. I see it as you simply lying to my face instead of feeling consoled by it.

I’ve been slowly trying to push my friends away this year. Finding myself at the core of a friend group exhausted me and I still haven’t fully recovered to the point where I’m sure that I want people in my life.

If I had my way, I’d never work again.

That’s all folks. Thank you for going with me on this journey.

 

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